Reduce distractions from phones: The importance of refraining from texting your children during school hours

Joe Clement, a high school teacher in Virginia, monitors the text messages that parents have been sending to students in his economics and government classes.

“What did you get from the test?”

“Did you get the tour form signed?”

“Would you like chicken or hamburgers for dinner tonight?”

Clement appeals to parents: stop texting your kids at school.

Parents are alarmingly aware of the distractions and mental health issues associated with smartphones and social media. But teachers say parents may not realize how much those struggles are at school.

One culprit? Mom and Dad themselves, whose stream-of-consciousness questions add to the atmosphere of constant interruption and disruption of learning. Even though schools regulate or ban cell phones, it is difficult for teachers to control it. And the constant buzzing of clocks and phones takes up critical brain space, regardless of whether children are peeking.

A few changes in parents’ behavior can help reduce phone harassment at school. Here’s what teachers and experts recommend.

TRY IT: STOP TEXTING YOUR CHILD’S SCHOOL

Many parents keep in touch with their children via text message, but school is a place where the focus is on learning and developing independence. Teachers say you can still reach your child if you have a change of plans or a family emergency: Just contact the front desk.

If the message is not urgent, it can probably wait.

Think of it this way: “If you came to school and said, ‘Can you pull my kid out of math so I can tell him something unimportant?’ we would say no,” Central Virginia school counselor Erin Rettig said.

The teachers emphasized: They’re not saying parents are to blame for cell phone battles in schools, but that parents can do more to help. For example, tell your kids not to text home unless it’s urgent. And if they do, ignore it.

“When your kids send you texts that can wait — like, ‘Can I go over to Brett’s house in five days?’ — don’t answer,” said Sabine Polak, one of the three founders of the Phone-Free Schools Movement. It just feeds the problem.”

CUT THE WIRE 8-3

Many parents have become accustomed to being in constant contact during the COVID-19 pandemic while the children were at home doing online school. They have kept the communication going as life has otherwise returned to normal.

“We call it the digital umbilical cord. Parents can’t let go. And they have to,” Clement said.

Parents may not expect their children to respond immediately to texts (although many do). But when students pull out their phones to respond, it opens the door to other social media distractions.

ADVICE VIA TEXT MESSAGE

In parent workshops, Rettig, a school counselor in Virginia, tells parents that they’re increasing children’s anxiety by texting, tracking their whereabouts and checking grades daily, which doesn’t give kids the space to be independent in school.

Some teachers say they get emails from parents immediately after graded tests are returned, before the lesson is over, because kids feel the need (or are told) to report grades to parents immediately.

Dr. Libby Milkovich, a developmental and behavioral pediatrician at Children’s Mercy Kansas City, says she asked parents to think about what children miss out on when parents are close at hand during school hours.

“A child cannot practice self-soothing or problem-solving skills by texting back and forth with a parent,” Milkovich said. “Texting is easy, but if I don’t have a phone, I have to go ask the teacher or figure it out myself.”

Some kids who oppose cell phone bans in schools say it’s helpful to reach out to parents when they’re feeling anxious or worried at school. For severely anxious children who are used to texting their parents for reassurance, Milkovich suggests gradually introducing restrictions so that the child can gradually practice more independence. He urges parents to ask themselves: Why does my child need a constant phone call?

“Often parents say, ‘I want to reach my child at any time,’ which has nothing to do with the child’s outcome. It’s because of parental anxiety,” he said.

TAKE OFF THIS OLD PHONE

Beth Black, a high school English teacher in the San Francisco Bay Area, urges parents to consider confiscating their children’s old phones.

Her school requires students to put their phones in a special cell phone holder when they enter classrooms. But he has seen students hide their old, inactive phones in there and hold up a working phone.

Like many teachers, she says phones aren’t the only problem. Headphones are also a problem.

“Forty percent of my students have at least one in their earbuds when they walk into class,” Black said. “Kids put their phone on the stand to listen to music and they listen to music in class with one earbud.”

TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS

Restraining parents in their texts will only take you so far. So work with your kids to turn off some or all of the notifications that steal their attention.

To demonstrate just how distracting smartphones are, Clement conducted an experiment in class where he asked students to take their phones off silent and turn on notifications for two minutes.

“It sounded like an old-timey video arcade – buzz, buzz, clatter and play for two solid minutes,” he said.

Many studies have shown that students check their phones frequently during class. A study by Common Sense Media last year found that teenagers are bombarded with up to 237 notifications a day. About 25% of them show up during the school day, mostly from friends on social media.

“Every time our focus is interrupted, it takes a lot of brain power and energy to get back to work,” said Emily Cherkin, a Seattle-based teacher-turned-consultant specializing in screen time management.

Teachers say the best school phone policy is one that physically takes the phone away from the child. Otherwise, it will be difficult to compete.

“When the phone vibrates in their pocket, now their attention is in their pocket. And they wonder, ‘How do I get it on the table? How do I check that?” said Randy Freiman, a high school chemistry teacher in upstate New York. “You ask them a question and they haven’t heard a word you’ve said. Their brains are elsewhere.”